Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
