all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
