I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
