I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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