eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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