dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
