So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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