I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
