lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I enjoy the company of your penis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
