It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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