He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
