I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
