Swine flu. Run for my life!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
