This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
