He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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