I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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