if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
