i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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