This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
