i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
