Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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