we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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