I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
