I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
