remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
