dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
