Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
