i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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