we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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