I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize