my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Congratulations! We have a period
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