I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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