how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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