It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize