To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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