Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
