That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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