trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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