Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
