I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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