My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
