My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I checked into jail on foursquare
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
