let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
