Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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