You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
