We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
