I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
