So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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