so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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