Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
