Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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