Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
