My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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