I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
