The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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