dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
