It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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