hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
