i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
