my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
