On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
