I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
