wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
