Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
