There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
