I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
