I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
