If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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